I’m sitting on my bed with a cat by mi side. I feel happy.
B and I talked a lot in the recent few days. We talked about love, and mirrors, and food. And death. We don’t know what to do about it. At this point it’s – do our best and hope for the best. And we both know it will reap us apart. But actually, when I have dreams about dying, it’s very peaceful. So maybe that’s how it will really be?
Anyway. B is in love. It scares me because she’s so emotional and not very reasonable. It turns out that I am not the only reason why she came to the US. I feel ashamed that I thought I was. I’ll try to keep her safe.
I started heaving very motherly feelings towards her, though she is slightly older than I am.
I’m concerned about her health. Hence – I asked her about food.
Me: Don’t be afraid.
B: I am. I am terrified.
Me: See, but you don’t have to be.
B: Really? That is NOT my experience.
Me: Listen, you have nothing to lose. I mean, what is your alternative Honey?
B: Maybe the things that worked before will work again?
Me: I doubt it. They are what brought you here in the first place.
B: I know.
Me: I’ll be with you. See, this is what’s different now.
B: OK, but you’ll be with me?
Me: Yes, but you have to be committed to this too. I mean, specifically, you can’t just blindly fly after guys. Don’t get me wrong. You can be with whomever, as long as they treat you well and this has to come first.
Me: Let’s do it.