January 15th, 2017

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So we did yoga last evening. It was sweaty, and with sad music. Not very hard physically, though. Afterwards we got ourselves seltzer and chatted a bit. Somehow it felt less heavy and needy on her part. Maybe this is why I felt really terrible  – read NOT numb, but emotional and BAD. Like – at a loss, and everything from the past right in my face. I even said to to her – ‘B, why?’ But she just gave the same stare.

‘You can’t run away you know’.

And I knew I couldn’t. Because I did it once and I am sure she would follow, so it’s not even worth a bother.

‘We have to figure it out some other way then,’ I said.

‘I’m waiting’ she said, and I kinda felt she was right. Like – I abandoned her and moved out all these years ago, and now it was on me to make it up.

Her voice sounded hostile, though.

I went home and read Winnie-the-Pooh and it helped. And I actually woke up feeling fine this morning. A little tired with drama, but fine.

We’re doing yoga again tomorrow evening.

I wonder if hot yoga is actually good for you. Even my shins sweat when I do it. If anyone knows anything about it, pass it on, OK?

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