After a really, really hard week last week, I am experiencing the most positive shift. And the best part of it it that it is partly my doing. I experienced a lot of effort+failure in my life, trying really hard and than not getting it. Why? It’s hard to even look back and think about it, it’s so painful. It was largely body related – my mind is just fine, too active if anything.
Today, while I was in my vinyasa, a coupe of thoughts came to me.
One: I saw that I purposefully scatter my mind.
Two: I thought that I could try to see my body and mind and awareness as a team. I can – I CAN – train them to help each other out instead of crashing each other.
This is my big project now.
I hear that you can become good at anything, if you dedicate yourself to it, and be smart about it (the latter is very important and more commonly overlooked). I came across a couple of awesomely motivating podcast on the matter:
I am not a fan of psychology. I don’t consider it science and it hasn’t helped me in my life. But – though the talks above are psychology based, they make for a good motivational material.
As far as the body-mind issue goes: the challenge I see know is to combine will and openness. It’s funny, because my sister and I pretty much personify each of them: I lack will but am super sensitive, she is very mid driven, and I mean driven. If she decides something needs to happen, it will.
This past weekend I gave will a shot – I willed myself on the mat when I was feeling terrible and physically exhausted. OK, there was a strong element of prayer there, but not of grace up until afterwards. The rewards were stunning. So I figured immediately that I can will myself into more of what I want to be able to do but don’t feel I’m there yet. I quickly noticed, that although in the short term I can do the things I thought I cannot do, I hardly even experience them, because 100% of my awareness I goes into the act of willpower.
Hm. Sounds like I forgot to pray….